Thursday, May 30, 2013

Blog In May: Day 30

Today's prompt:
React to this term: Letting Go


lol I have a hard time letting go. Of anything. Ever. Whenever I hear or see anything (especially bad on facebook with all the sappy share-images) about 'letting go' my mind goes to one of two things. One thing, the lesser of the two, is hurt, pain, grudges, etc. Do not cross me. If I manage to forget it then you're lucky because I'm old an my memory's going. I can hold onto hurt like nobody's business. I don't let it rule me, it stays compartmentalized in the back of my brain so I'm sure never to trust you again, and you can be sure I'll have my eye on you if you get anywhere near the people I care about. Oh and I'll let them know, too. Many people believe that forgiveness is good for the soul. "It's for you, not them". I say Bullshit! "They're going on with their lives and you're the one sitting here making yourself crazy." Who's crazy? And who's to say that my negative impressions aren't working subtly against them? Who's to say that if enough people know and wished you ill because of your deeds that it wouldn't culminate and guide Karma? In my book forgiveness is the same as saying "It's okay". It's not okay. And I'll be the one to remind you. Not saying I'm perfect, I know I've hurt people. I expect the same from them. If they want to forgive and let go then that's their business, although I know for a fact that at least one has not.

On the flip-side, the one thing that forces itself to the front of my brain upon hearing or seeing anything about "letting go" is people. "Let go of the people from your past or you can't move into the future". No. Let me say it again: NO. Once more in Spanish: NO! Once you're my friend, assuming you never cross me, we're friends forever. I don't care how long it's been, you call or write or look me up I will be here. There was a guy I met in 2nd grade (waaaaaay back in 1988) who I am still friends with. This was before facebook made keeping in touch and finding people so easy. We were in Germany, more friendly rivals than actual friends. After a couple of years his family moved to Pennsylvania, we moved to Texas. We kept in touch. Sometimes not hearing from each other for years, but one of us would call or email and there we were. Friends. I think we're better friends now than when we were kids, and I think for both of us our friendship is important because we were both army brats and long-term friendships are so hard to maintain with that kind of upbringing. My friend Sandy moved to Florida for a couple of years after high school, didn't hear from her the whole time. Called me up saying she was coming back *BOOM* picked up right where we left off. I am well aware that things happen and people grow apart, but if I don't feel abandoned when I quit hearing from you, I won't abandon you. Ever. Again, I'm only human so there are some people I'm sure I've forgotten along the way, but hey, you look me up after all these years I'll talk to ya 'til I remember. There seem to be fewer and fewer worthwhile people roaming around so I think it's good to keep access to people you like. Even if it's purely superficial. There are people I call "friend" that I don't expect to do a thing for me, but they're worthwhile and it makes me feel worthwhile that they "need" me. Even if just for the occasional "you can do it" or "it'll be okay".

Incidentally I am also a bit of a packrat. Not as much as my mom or grandma, but it's there. I know I have a lot of stuff around that I could (and should) get rid of, but thankfully our dinky city-provided trashcan and once-weekly pick-up make clearing out junk a slow process. :p

Final prompt:
A vivid memory


  1. Wow, I was like totally nodding along to every single thing you said man!
    I hate it when people to tell me to let it go, or don't think about it, it does't matter. It annoys me so much.
    I mean yea you meet a lot of shitty people in life and if I won't bother with the bad stuff they do to me because I don't care for them. But with people who at one point I really really cared about and they go mess me up, I ain't gonna forget that stuff, like never, and I refuse to because it wasn't ok and it still isn't.
    Rage over.

    1. Exactly. The only person who can decide that it's time to let go of your hurt is YOU. They don't know how deeply it affected you. Only you know that. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks that forgiving someone is the same as saying "it's okay". ;) I say, hey, if you're willing to deal with your own anger and bitterness, you don't have to forgive if you don't want to. It's a personal choice.

  2. We are so cut from the same cloth!! I don't forgive very well, the only exception really is my dad. Once you betray my trust, I will never ever forget or trust you again. Like you, I am loyal to my friends. I have gotten burned about being that loyal. If we are friends, we are friends for life!! I love that you are still friends with someone from second grade. I still keep up with my best friend from grade school. We are at totally different points in our life, but we are still friends.

    1. That is fantastic! It's great that you can remain friends even being at different points. I think childhood friends should be specially cherished.

  3. So agree about those annoying 'time heals all wounds' type sayings! If I'm crossed I can forgive - in that I no longer feel consumed by anger at the thought of what happened and wish the person no ill will - but I don't forget. It takes me a very long time to trust so if that's lost it's pretty safe to say it won't come back.
    There is a big difference, in my opinion, between forgiving someone and uniformly absolving them of the wrong doing. Usually when people say 'forgive and forget!' they basically mean take someone's apology and keep being friends with them. Don't make waves and don't make things uncomfortable for everyone else. Screw that I say! You can forgive someone in that you wish them no harm but does that mean you 'forget' or pretend like what they did is okay? No.
    Another peeve (Gah I HATE generic 'words of wisdom' in general but this post touches on a live wire for me!) is the saying 'Life's too short'. I've usually heard this from people who treated me poorly and want me to pretend like things are okay. Lame. Yes I do agree life is too short - for everything. I agree life is too short to hold on to 'grudges' but at the same time? Life is WAY too short to keep people in your life who treat you badly or make you feel bad or wrong you. Why would you keep people like that around? Nope. Take out the trash, I say, and do NOT feel bad when society gives you the hairy eyeball for not 'moving on'. Moving on does not equal continuing to interact with someone who has done you wrong.

    I also think where people get mixed up is they assume if you no longer want someone in your life after something has happened that must mean you're consumed by anger. Not necessarily. I've had falling outs with lots of people and while I'm no longer angry, that doesn't mean I want them back in my life. I also believe not everyone is going to be your 'cup of tea' no matter how hard you wish they could be or try. Sometimes it's what someone has done or said that irritates you and you can talk to them and move past the problem. But sometimes it's just the way someone IS as a person that doesn't jive with you. And no matter what you're always going to be at odds with them because they're just not your cuppa. Just let them go, I say.

    On friends - you're more apt to stick around than I am! I'm a plant that needs watering. If I had a friend and I go years and years with no word from them? I don't consider them a friend any more. No hard feelings and I'm def. low maintenance but my friendships need 'some' maintaining :)

  4. Goodness. :) You definitely make some great points. Especially equating forgiveness with no longer wishing the person ill will. I like that very much. And, yeah, not everyone is going to get along with everyone else. lol Doesn't necessarily make either of them a "bad person", just personality conflicts.

    1. *blush* hehe sorry for the rant/flailing! I have just heard sooo much 'time heals all wounds' bla de bla bla. I'm with you - don't tell someone else how to feel. If they want to be angry or whatever, that's their business and not for you to try to force your views on them :)

    2. No worries. ;) I enjoy a good rant as long as it's not directed at me. lol


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