Friday, April 1, 2011

Out of Sync

I'm not an overly social person. I don't like going out to clubs and parties. Sure, now and then I'll want to, but not as a normal way of life. I don't suppose I have a lot of friends. Not in the sense that people normally concider others to be friends. There are people I talk to, some regulary, others sporadically, that I really enjoy talking to. Some I daresay I find myself growing accustomed to talking to. Which is not always a good thing for me. Especially when I'm so out of sync with those around me. I want to play and my playmates are mopey. I'm down and they're all sunshine. Certain people I know I have to deal with a certain way (talk about what they want to talk about when they want to talk about it) but that doesn't make it easier when I want to talk . . . but I supposed that makes those times we are in sync even sweeter and, in the end, worth it. These inbetween times, though . . . can come close to excrutiating.
Close, but the Universe has it's ways of providing. Long lost "friends" pop up, activities to keep myself busy. I always have Aaron (though we're not always in sync, we're always there) and Brak. Sometimes dreams don't always make sense at first, but upon reflection all is made clear. The other night I dreamt I was aiding some children in this big building. They were trying to get away from some man. As I was helping a little girl up a flight of steps I suddenly went backwards and landed flat on my back (which I thought might be broken) on the stairs, my head pointing down. The dream ended with my laying there, waiting. There was a ribbon I was tangled in, not tightly but still tangled. I was pushing ahead and had I kept pushing, for whatever reason (ribbons symbolise playfulness and frivolity), things would end badly. So I withdraw. When they're ready people will come to me. The way it's always been, the way it will likely continue to be. Still doesn't make it any easier.
We went out to see our niece for her birthday. She already had the game we got her so I wasn't thrilled about that . . . but it was nice to see everybody and to see everybody getting along. It was a nice visit even though we keep missing Frankie. I'm going to try to get back to sleep now. Hopefully I will dream something comforting. Or perhaps titilating. Whatever I dream I shall dream it well, because tomorrow it's back to work. Back to waiting. And I apologize for the sharp left mid-paragraph up there. I had more and lost it.


  1. *hugs* here's to building some good friend-attractant energy. like a giant fly-trap of positive emotion.


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