Thursday, July 22, 2010

Come With Me....

. . . . on a magical journey. A journey that will be frought with danger and possibly disaster. A journey along twists and turns you can hardly imagine. A journey *pause for dramatic effect* through my colon. No, I don't have pictures. Fortunately this is a tale where pictures would hinder the . . . . uh . . . .magicalness of it? *ahem* Perhaps I should begin with a bit of background. Take note, this journey is exclusive to my myspace blog readers, however many of you there are currently. Ya know, due to the sensitive subject matter. Pure facebookers just don't have the steel needed for such a journey. ;-)

First, we shall begin from the beginning. Information I have that most people don't get about themselves unless it's in reference to the "gawdawful smell". -_- Anyway, it may or may not surprise you to know that my digestive complaints are not a recent development. Far from it! I can't say for diapers, but when I was being potty trained, at least, I would have issues with the #2. So much so that I drank about as much prune juice as milk.

Over the years I never really kept track of my bowel movements. I went when I had to go. . . . . but I never really spent much time in the bathroom so it couldn't have been frequent. I mean, who wants to waste the time of day pooping when there's so much else to be done? Not me! So I didn't give it much thought. It wasn't until Aaron started paying attention that I thought there might be a problem. "You haven't pooped in almost a week, are you okay?" O.o I guess so. I don't feel un-okay. And I usually don't.

When I started my weight loss venture, a couple of weeks in I got the idea to try the Activia Challenge. That did not go well. . . . . as far as not noticing any change in my digestion. But, here I am now. Still losing weight fairly steadily (down to 148.5lbs) but I still . . . . . feel . . . . . fat. So, where does that lead us? Same place it's always led us, ladies and gentlemen. Late night infomercials.

Have you seen the rivetting commercial for "Colon Cleanse"? It's kind of fascinating to watch an hour of a guy talking about how clogged up your colon could potentially be. With visual aides! "This mass here could be sitting in your colon" Could it? Possibly it is. Please, do go on mustachioed one. So he's hawking this dual-action system. One set of pills is full of detox herbs. One set of pills works on getting your lower plumbing working more efficiently. Again, with herbs. This, of course, piqued my interest. Not that it mattered much. What with it being an infomercial and me with no credit card.

Then, one day, we saw this skinny man and his miracle product on the shelf at HEB. $22 is a bit, though, with groceries being so expensive. Today I found myself with the ability to purchase Colon Cleanse (and the other infomercial favorite: Shake Weight!). Tomorrow I start the pill popping. Let's see if I'm able to remember to take them. I should write out a checklist so I don't forget. Must be taken with food and LOTS of water. No problemo! Water's my new middle name. It also came with a free trial of this super Green Tea fat burner. I'm debating. lol

So, dear Readers, will you join me? I promise, unless something just completely out of this freakin' world happens I will not post pictures! Cross my heart. :-) Unless you want me to.


  1. sooo...what happened? Did it work for you?

    1. lol Actually, yeah. It worked REALLY well for the week or so that I got to take it consistently. Then Elvis started getting really sick and he was my only focus. I should actually see if they still sell it...

    2. You should! If it worked, that's awesome. Wow I feel backed up if I don't poop once a day (TMI XD ) I can't even imagine....:/


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