Friday, August 7, 2009

It's a Small World

And the gods enjoy fucking with me, I think. How weird is it that I run into someone that knows David? (Not the cool one, the other one) Apparently he's been talking about me. A lot. That's . . . both disturbing and sad. I'm sure none of it's good, and that's a shame. See, the truly awe inspiring strangeness is that not too long ago I was thinking about him. Thinking, it really wasn't all bad, so maybe I should cut him some slack. Even entertained the idea of blogging about the good times we did have. Heh. Here's the thing. I was good to him. Damn good. Until he started getting on my case about cheating on him. Which I wasn't at the time. If he would have just taken my word for it and freakin' trusted me then we could have moved on. But he was too insecure for that. I put up with it for a bit (cuz I'm a tenderheart) but after about the 20th grand inquisition I'd had enough. I did start cheating on him. With his friends, my friends, out in public, with him in the house. We broke up 3 or 4 times and I kept taking him back. Which is why we must all thank Sandy cuz if she hadn't pushed so hard for Aaron and I to get together then the cycle may have continued. Maybe not cuz by then I was pretty fed up, but it's scary to think about. I tell ya, it's not so weird to be asked "How long have you lived in Killeen", even when it seems like the person might recognize you. But when he said "Do you happen to know a guy named David ____?" I seriously think my heart stopped. Like, damn, we were getting along so well and now he's going to hate me; but as in the past that was not the case. I'm glad for that. Not because I don't want him to have friends or even someone in his corner, but it really would have put a damper on the night. lol And this guy's cool, so . . . . yeah. For those of you who do (did) know him, heh, it would seem he hasn't changed. Which is sad in a way, but I guess kinda good. Right? Hypothetically? Hrm. Heh, back when I was feeling . . . . generous, I guess, I had to ask myself 'Do I hate him?' I know I did, quite fiercely. I don't think I have for a while, though. 'Do I feel bad?' Kinda. Yeah. It would have been best for everyone if we had just stayed broken up the first time, really. I should have (and probably did) known that but . . . *shrugs* . . . I try to see the best in people? Or, maybe, after a while there was a part of me that got off on hurting him? I think, yes, for a little while. Mostly I just wanted him to man up. Either break up with me or give me a reason not to cheat. Cuz he knew! I know he knew. Everyone knew. And I'm pretty sure he cheated on me, and I'm pretty sure I know who with. Heh. At least, I know who he seriously wanted to. Would I have broken up with him over it if I had proof? Would I have just held it over his head? I honestly don't know. In either case, I'll be honest enough to say that, yes, at times I was cruel but . . . . what can I say? Stupid high school bullshit. If he hates me over something he started then that's his right. I just really hope that whatever shit he's saying behind my back is true. I could live with that. But at least I'm man enough to admit that there were good times, too. So there you have it, for whatever it's worth.

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