Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Facial Hair Lament

The other day I used some of my balance reward points to pay for a fresh box of Sally's wax strips. Getting old sucks...
When did this facial hair become so problematic?

I don't remember a mustache coming with puberty
I don't recall a beard in my teens
Brows? Sure. Everyone does.
But the rest?

My mom and both grandmothers have/had light/fine hair
I do not
Dark, thick, coarse hair
And it grows

For a while I thought the hair came with the weight gain
The weight is gone
The hair remains
Persistent

Into the bathroom, tools in hand. It's been three days and I'm sporting a goatee any 13 year old boy would envy
Makeup won't help now
Apparently neither will the wax...

The mustache comes off just fine, those hairs aren't as bad
The beard is another story
Four strips later
Five hairs removed
So stubborn...

Now the tweezers; I've finally found a good pair, both cute and effective
For the most part

Target, grip, pull.... *snap*- damn...
As thick as these hairs are you'd think they'd be stronger
"The strength is in the roots, grasshopper"
Thanks

I can't see under my own chin, you know, and my eyes are not great
Like a contortionist every few days
Just so I don't look like a dude
"A dude with a hefty estrogen problem..."
Shut up, you

I read somewhere that (some) Japanese women shave their faces; "it's good for the skin"
Sikh women let it grow
I am neither of those things
Sometimes I do shave...

"Shaving makes the hair thicker! And darker!"
That's a myth. Shut up
"Are you sure?"
Yep... it's an illusion...
Target, grip, pull

Mustache- gone- mostly; beard- gone- mostly... What fresh hell is this?
Aaron calls them "chipmunk hairs"
I call them "fledgling sideburns"
"I think they're cute"
Nobody asked you, go away

I don't want sideburns, or a 'stache or a beard. I don't want hair on my knuckles either, while I'm at it.
I don't want this one weird hair that grows out of my shoulder
I don't want leg hair or armpit hair
WHY SO MUCH HAIR?!
"It keeps you warm"
I live in Texas now; my genes are still European mutt
"Does that matter?"
I don't know...

"What's that hair?"
WHAT HAIR?!
"Just playin'"
Would you fuck off already...

I don't have enough Nair left to do both arms; that bottle's kind of old anyway
"Nobody's looking at your arms"
Probably not, but
Shit

I think I've got them all
All the ones I'm willing to bother with
"Good"
Do I look like a lady?
"Eh"
I hate you

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So that was my morning. I feel a little raw and exposed now, but maybe somebody can relate. I hope, anyway. Before anybody gets concerned the italicized lines are the voice in my head. I think I'm going to go grab dinner and then disappear into the sweet, numbing embrace of Sims. (^_^)"/" Auf Wiedersehen

4 comments:

  1. HAHHAAHAH! Lizzy you are not alone! We seem to be hairy kindred polish spirits. I have to keep a firm eye on my stache and lady beard. And by 'firm' I mean I often neglect them until I find myself stroking my stache absent mindedly and thinking 'so soft!' then I snap out of it and horrified run to the bathroom to get the trimmer (yeah I could wax but waxing hurts!). And the beard? oh the beard. Ever find a particularly long/coarse beard hair and be twirling it absently and be all 'I gotta pluck this when I get home' just to get home and look for it and you can't find it in the mirror? Then you gotta like turn around or close your eyes and feel around with your hand until you find it again? OR you feel the sucker constantly and keep thinking 'I gotta pluck this' but forget when you're handy to some tweezers?? XD And DON'T get me STARTED on arm pits! Urgh. I get so salty. How come guys can go around looking like they have Animal from the Muppets in a head lock and that's fine but women have to suffer? PLUS I get ingrown hairs pretty bad and lemme tell ya those bastards HURT when they get infected! /hairy rant

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG YES YES YES!!! I'll sit here absently stroking my chin thinking "I really should get to that...." and promptly forget. For days. -_- So so so glad it's not just me. Where the hell did all this hair come from?! O_O

      Delete
    2. Nature hates us -_- it's the only explanation cause it's not enough hair to keep us warm! (well the chin hairs and stache aren't). And WHY must those chin hairs be so damn thick???

      Delete
    3. Oh my gawd I don't know! They are, though! Thick and rooted in DEEP! *dies* So not fair...

      Delete

I love hearing from you!