Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Test Site #1

Oh, hello there. I'm Jane Millet. Formerly Mrs. Millet, but there was an unfortunate nuclear reactor incident that left me a widow. Don't worry about me, I'm kept plenty busy with my work. What exactly is my work? Whatever it is that needs to be done. I'm sort of a free agent. Currently I'm helping Lizzy test out a few problems she's hoping have been fixed. I chose Barnacle Bay as my test site because it's out of the way and kind of.... How do I put this nicely? Rural? Yes, rural. The people here aren't too fancy and don't ask too many questions.

I'm here undercover as a nurse. As far as anyone here knows this monkey is my simple-minded patient. His official name is Patient x349b. He's a former inmate who's been lobotomized to serve my purposes here. Cruel, you say? Hardly. You don't know what he was incarcerated for.

See why I call him my monkey? Well, that and Patient x349b is merely a test subject after all.

So, why the need for a secret identity? Even insane monkeys need to get out for fresh air. Fortunately for me as part of his sentancing Patient x349b was also castrated which negated any wanderlust he may have previously posessed. So aside from being easily amused he's really easy to look after in public. So while he spends hours on the swing I can do a bit of research on community lots.

And if people think he's some sad mentally deficient sim, they don't question little episodes like this one. Most folk will ignore or avoid him. A few helpful souls will alert me to his odd behaviour. There is always the odd snob who will admonish me for not looking after him better, at which point I calmly assure them that his mental state leaves him unable to hurt others or himself.

He may not be much of a conversationalist, but he is a fantastically attentive sounding board while I'm brainstorming. And if I happen to suggest that it might be helpful to the cause if he were to be set on fire.... Well, who's he going to tell?

Oh don't look at me like that. I haven't suggested any such thing. Yet. Besides, I need him around for now. In addition to further testing, for which his living presence is required, he's also fairly helpful. Just like any other monkey he can be trained to perform simple tasks. Like making my breakfast.

Which he burnt. And ate. Amazingly it didn't make him sick. I was at work during this unfortunate incident. Lizzy's half-up-front stipend was just enough to afford us this pre-furnished house. One of the items on my testing agenda is the affect of travel on sims left home. So it's good he ate it because we just can't afford to waste tons of food!

I'm still not sure if ingesting charcoal or his lobotomy were responsible for this little episode. Video recorded for your amusement! Don't feel bad about watching. Think of it as a scientific pursuit.

At least he can make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches without burning them. Such a good little monkey.

So I came home to burnt waffles and a busted toilet. My job is going well, the house is still standing and Patient x349b lives to be tested on another day. All in all, a very good start. Facebook posting doesn't freeze the game, no funky between-action quirks, hardly any lag, and even speedy loading and saving. However, this is a simple premade neighborhood and there are still many things to test. My work here has only begun.

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