Sunday, August 12, 2007

Keep It In Da Klub

Last night around midnight Aaron and I went to Wal*Mart. We usually go late at night so we avoid the massive crowds at "Retail Hell". It was Saturday night and by all rights 3/4 of the town should have been at some bar or club, like normal. Oh, but not last night. I don't know what the hell happened, but at midnightish a good chunk of those "Club Kids" were at freakin' Wal*Mart! Admittedly, most weren't too much of a hassle to maneuver. Not too lavishly <---read "skankishly"> dressed, a little louder than they needed to be, and certainly had a problem moving themselves around without running dead into me!!!!, but there were a few who definetly stood out as persons who should have kept it in da club.

First woman. Late 20s early 30s, at least 250lbs, black, and wearing what amounted to gold underwear. She had a 'crew' of maybe 8-10 guys with her and she was loud. We first passed her by the movies and then came back around to check the movies by the front registers (we were hunting for "The Number 23", but they didn't have it in stock) and she was being escorted out by either a manager or security guy. He was probably a manager unless he was undercover security. Oh this just got her more loud. I mean, come on, you're wearing gold underwear (okay, hot pants and mini-tank) and you want to draw more attention to yourself? Aside from her 'crew' circling around, there were maybe 20 more people around the distant perimeter who obviously didn't mind watching the show. Aaron and I walked by trying not to pay too much attention . . . or draw too much attention to ourselves, but there were people 30feet away who were watching the spectacle. Keep it in da club.

The other two obvious club-runners were . . . I guess a couple. I didn't get a good look cuz I was trying to not get run down, but I caught an eyeful of boob. Seriously. The top of her top was so small she'd have been more covered in a bathing suit. I noticed she had a guy with her, but didn't even register him. I told Aaron (he had gone to grab a basket) and he, of course, went to hunt down the woman with her tits all exposed. Apparently she was what Carlos Mencia would call a "Butter Face". (ya know, her body was slammin', but her face!!) The guy was 'on something', so he probably didn't even know. lol Seriously, keep it in da club.

Another interesting character Aaron ran into, may not have been a club runner . . . . although. She was maybe 80lbs soaking wet and had Aaron carry a case of beer to the register for her. Ya know, on account of she couldn't lift it. So, whatever loser sent her on the beer run, shoulda kept it in da club.

The really disturbing thing about this trip was the obvious lack of people that should have been there by the amount of cars in the parking lot! I know! I was pissed initially cuz the parking lot was packed, like it was mid-day or something. At least 1/2 of those cars just had people sitting in them. Most likely either holdin' "something" or waiting for "something". One pair in particular was unusual in that it was there when we pulled in and still there when we left. They made themselves obvious by parking in the very last two spaces of the aisle.

The moral of my story is this: When you get yourself dressed up all skankified to go to da club, when you're at da club drinking and havin' a good time, keep it in da club. Wal*Mart is not da club. Gettin' sick of da club you're in? Go to da other club. They're all lined up together, not like it's far. Please, Wal*Mart's bad enough regularly.

~*~Disclaimer~*~

I don't have anything against dressing skanky or da clubs.

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